Like masturbation, but for your feelings

I'm aware I've been silent for, oh, longer than you probably care.
But if anyone's listening out there, ANYONE - I'd love for them to consider this:

NOBODY forces you hate yourself.

NOBODY gives you low self-esteem.

NOBODY makes you to feel intimidated, ugly, self-conscious, not good enough.

I've heard way too many stories about people being sick of how a situation (particularly, how a boy) makes them feel bad about themselves.
To be out of control of how you see yourself is to be out of control of yourself.
To be victim to those feelings is just self-pity.
And to be using self-pity is to be three-fucking-years-old.

FACE IT: We're big girls now, in a world that allows us to be big girls.
You can't play the helpless-feeling-female card anymore.
And girl or not, only you are responsible for how you feel.
Wherever you are in your self-respect, you got there your damn self,
and it's nobody else's job to fix it.

SO STOP CRYING.


I'd just like to know why we treat the person we spend the most time with
(ourselves)
so shittily, so much.
And then we're so kind to strangers on the street!
They don't have to put up with your crap.
They don't do your Accounting final.
Their immune system doesn't keep you away from the USC plague.

I AM
JUST
SAYING.

Obvi just jelly cuz I speak in abbrevz

I'm sitting on an obscenely comfortable red couch in the Hogwartzeh Doheny Library (here at the scenic University of Southern California, TELL 'EM WHAT THEY'VE WON, BOB), watching the sun go down through the stained glass windows.
May I just say?

Sometimes, when you've figured out a way to temporarily ignore your "priorities"
and "responsibilities"
and "children",
life is gorgeous without you having to do anything to it at all.

Y'know. Just looky no touchy.
It's like Cinnabuns.
You can just smell it and be fulfilled.
(...And then tear that shit up with yo' mouf)
(...This concludes my greatest figurative food-to-life parallel to date)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANYWAY.
What I really wanted to do is pop my head in a give you a lil' quiz.
Cause it's midterm season and I'm feelin' sadistic.

Complete the sentence with the appropriate phrase:

Life is like a bag of phallic lighthouse gummies.
You never know what you're gonna...

A. find in the parking lot of your local WalMart
B. need to stay warm while you get beamed up, Scotty
C. give as a gift at Darth Vader & PacMan's baby shower
D. USE YOUR NEWFOUND POWER OF 400 BABIES! ....FOR.

You have twelve minutes.
Starting eleven minutes ago.

Hint: No.

Were you the one who wanted $1,000 and a free phone?

No?
Oh, well. As long as you're here.
Wanna do me a favor & have it, anyway?

You remember that Road Trip that Seventeen sent me on?
WELL. Now Seventeen wants you to have your own road-trippeh good times.

Enter Seventeen's Ultimate Road Trip Sweepstakes!

So, y'know. Seventeen's just giving away:

• $1,000
• a FREE Verizon Phone
  
• and a $100 Verizon Gift Card (Hello, unnecessarily-cute headset for driving)

And I was thinking, maybe you want in on that.
How do ya do it?

• Get clicky here and scroll down to "ENTER THE ULTIMATE SWEEPSTAKES!"
• Fill in your info and don't forget the Code Word: ULTIMATE
• Tell 5 friends! (But maybe no more than that - you do want to win, right?)
  

Ehh - you can watch those videos, too, if you really want.
I'll just be over here, cowering in embarrassment :]


I really need you guys to spread the word, y'all: Enter the Sweepstakes, and don't forget your epic Code Word:

ULTIMATE.

Heheh. That's a lot like when the hyenas say "Mufasa" in the Lion King.
ULTIMATE.
D'ya feel that?
ULTIMATE.

Heheh.
JUMP ON IT!

Google Image Search: Overachiever

If any of you reading
is looking at this picture and going,
"That's what I feel like I have to be to get into my dream school,"
or
"That's where I feel I need to be to succeed these days,"
or
"This bitch is living my life. But smiling."...

Raise yo' hand.
(or comment me. Maybe today you're feeling "unsure")

Community service vs. Community sex

SO BASICALLY.
When I'm taking these stupid-long breaks in blogging, I'm still collecting links and articles and whatnot that I want to share - some college-y, some DEFINITELY not. Since a lot of former-F15 readers hang out here (Lemme hear you sccrrreeeeaaaaaam), I'm gonna be servin' you up two things:

• One thang that tickles your college fancy


• & One thang that, y'know. Just tickles.
  

------------------ IS 'CHU READY? ------------------

Article I: Colleges Tell You What They Want, What They Really Really Want

So, I'm obsessed with this Gen-Y blog, Y-Pulse, right? (Heads up - it's where I get alotta college-sensitive shtuff)
Not too long ago, my homegirl Casey wrote an article I wish I read before applying to college.

DoSomething.org surveyed 25 of the Top 50 Colleges in the US about applicants doing community service.
Now,

• Didju know that colleges would rather have you do a lil' somethin for years than a big somethin' for a month?
  
• Didju know that comm-service is 4th in the list of factors that'll put you at the top of the pack?
  
• Didju know that throwin' in words like "passionate", "commitment" and "dedication" perks the ears of he-who-holds-the-ACCEPTED-stamp?
  
  Oh, you didn't.
  Wellnowyoucan.
  (P.S: Scroll a bit - see somebody you recognize? ;])

Article II: Hi, I'm Berna. Now Put Your Tongue Down My Throat

EXTRA, EXTRA: There is a huge sexual revolution goin' on and it's getting extra hot in Chile (IhadtodoitIhadto)...

But, says the NY Times, those who are partakin' are probably younger than you.

I mean, dzang - I thought "Git Low" started a freakin'-grindin'-body-rollin' revolution here in the states.
Nothing compared to what these barely-adolescents are gettin' down with during their late-afternoon rave fests, where minors get together and "Poncea" - make out with as many hormonal mofos as they can.

Break out 'cho Binaca.

Read the article, shift uncomfortably in your seat, and then tell me:
How do you feel about sex basically becoming as common as getting braces amongst adolescents?
Do you think it's good or bad social progress?
Is there real liberation in becoming sexually free, or is there just herpes?

Whisper it in my intrawebz ear. ;]
bernalittlebit@gmail.com

*blows dust off blog* *sobs*

Life.

This is me, sitting in class. Contemplating LIFE.

I am THIS FULL of such juicy, yummy blog ideas.

As you can see, I'M ABOUT TO BURST.
But such is life, school, internship, co-ed Leadership Frat... you know.

DON'T GIVE UP ON ME.
STAY TUNED!

...I have candy.
bernalittlebit@gmail.com

Glass, by BHJ

CURSE SCHOOL!
It stops me from chattin' it up with joo cool peeps.
But, let me get to the point of this before I have to do the bookstore dance.

I've been a huge, huge fan of Black Hockey Jesus's The Wind in Your Vagina (just go with me on this) for a while - he got popular SUPER fast on the Daddy-blogosphere front (she says while pushing her glasses up her nose) (and snorting), and, wait, I don't want to oversell this -

HE IS THE MOST HILARIOUS AND BEAUTIFULLY ARTICULATE BLOGGER
EHH
VER.
& He recently wrote this disgustingly poignant post about, well, failure.
Failure and strength and babies.

Couldn't just keep this one in my Google Reader, no, I could NAT.

So, screw your homework.
Read it immediately.

Whatchu talkin' bout, RiRi & NeYo

Tell me.

How many times have you seen this quote (or its like-worded cousins)
on an In A Relationship's MySpace?

"Don't settle for the one who kisses your ass. Wait for the one who pushes your buttons and pisses you off on a daily basis.
Those who fight hard, love harder.
Love isn't supposed to be easy...it's supposed to be worth it."

Cute, right?
I mean, can't you just imagine the passion-drugged couple crying and making out amongst the smoky ruins of their battlefield of LUV?!
...
Well, stop. I think it's stupid.
Call me J-J-Jaded, but the whole thing just sounds awfully sadistic to me.

Lots of lovahs (hi, included) know what its like to fight hard and love harder. Sometimes in the midst of it, you feel so emotionally exhausted but so justified, like "F*#%, I'm TIRED - This has GOT to be real love!
High five, you asshole, I love you!"

But I've also been with someone who pissed me off on a daily basis.
... WTF, That shit wasn't fun.
It wasn't fulfilling or romantic. Not in the short term day-to-day or the long term retrospect.
It felt like love some of the time, it felt passionate and dramatic all the time, but by the end, it mostly felt like torture.

Now, I'm not Dr. Phil or that sex talk lady on the Oh! network, but I'm pretty sure a healthy relationship shouldn't hold adjectives like "torture".


Love shouldn't necessarily be easy (though it truly is, for some couples), and the effort two people put into it should always equal to "worth it". At the same time, it's all conditional. Love works differently for different tempers, backgrounds, zodiac compatibilities...
Love is like the adult diapers brand - it Depends.

But one thing I have learned: Love should not be a painful obligation, a weight on your life. There are better things to do with yourself than be a slave to the famous "pain" of love (contrary to the crooning of certain artists whose names may/may not rhyme with Shmeona Shmewis).

So, frick, I hate seeing this quote - I feel like it allows more girls to excuse their soap opera dramatic, bawling-twice-a-week, emotional breakdown hurts-so-good type relationships and keeps so many young people from, oh, I don't know...
Having a LIFE.
Letting themselves GROW.
Finding someone who ENHANCES your existence, not BURDENS it (think... bra selection).


Whaddaya think - do you believe in this?
Should love be that much labor?
When does pain-in-the-ass luurve stop becoming "worth it" to you?
How much sense does it make to keep bleedin', keep, keep bleedin' love?

Holla front: bernalittlebit@gmail.com!

'Tis the season

Hey! Special hollah to my former Freshman15 readers - ya'll still out there?!


For all ya'll who messaged me way-back-when (& still are!) about starting your freshman year this year, being nervous, movin' away, how much underwear do I pack (TRUE STORY):

Stumbled across this pretty comprehensive Freshman Year College Packin' List
from TeenDiariesOnline.com.

My favorite part about it? The Late Night Snacks section ;]

(I confess: Being the APnerd at heart, Collegeboard.com was my friggin' MySpace senior year and I used their list - told me to bring boring stuff like extension cords and blankets. Didn't mention Ramen once.
Hello. Get with the priorities of the GENERATION.)

Happy packin'!


P.S: You were the one who wanted to biologically look like Sailor Moon, right? Dude, I gotchu.
No?
P.P.S: Ohhh, but you did ask me about Nintendo couture. Don't lie. I won't tell anyone.

Re: Nokia Lolita - KatyPerryianism

So I'm scrolling through your awesome comments from NokiaLolita (ThankyouTHANKYOU!), and I notice something. I ponder it.

Has my scrollbar always been such an ugly shade of blue?

No, seriously - I notice that something irks Janet (Hay, gurl) the same way it has always been irking somanyofus:

I call it KatyPerryianism.

Exactly.
That's the face I make when I think about it, too.

So she macked on a chick and enjoyed it.
Also, she sampled her fruit-flavored petroleum.
We all know of your drunken lesbian escapade, Perry, but do you know what kind of ridiculous trend you just gave an anthem to? Thereby making it not only okay, but cult-like and pelvis-thrustingly contagious?!

FAUX LESBIANISM.
Ask about it.

KatyPerryianism is the new "Look, I'm Religious - Ignore the Blunt/Shot/FratBro's Penis at the End of this Wrist" Bracelet – very little people actually root their morals in Catholicism, but yo' Jewish gramma is selling it at the flea market for $3. It's cheap attention.
Mary's your Homegirl cause you're, y'know, "down-to-earth".
You take pictures making out with your roommate cause you, y'know, "Luv to partyyy! Amigad, XO PARTYING."
It's being different - no, being "controversial and proud" - thats become a goddamn trend, but as we can see, you don't need actual morals to be trendy.

You basically just need to be drunk.
Or, y'know.
Naturally stupid.

I had this chat with someone the other day: Maybe displaying faux-lesbianism, be it on your MySpace “Orientation” or in/around your mouth, is supposed to give the viewer a sense of “I could possibly have a threesome with this girl.” Cue tingling in pants. Follow up with the raunchy comment. Follow up with the STD.

But how offensive and annoying is that to those who actually identify themselves as bi/homosexual, the (pardon my SoCal) legit who endure the social prosecution and don't give themselves a choice of ducking out once you can't take the heat (not the kind in your pants.)? Not to say that everyone takes this KatyPerrysexualism so seriously, but EFF – if being brown became a trend, and all the pasty-whites start flaunting their tan-tasticness-from-a-bottle, I might go on a lemon-juice-&-sponge rampage to expose those suckers who ain't really down with the brown.

It's the claiming what you ain't that irritates me.

But Ian brought up a good point: All this banter on the female image, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, check-out-my-new-training-bra -- maybe its not all about attention depravity.

"The problem is that the person isn't being challenged to grow and discover their potential. They seek confirmation of their perfection, and if they get it, they get complacent with their existence. But one day they will have a difficult time, and they won't be able to rely on anyone but themself, and they'll either rise to the occasion or crumble..." -- Ian

This is true. It's a never-ending cycle of whorebaginess.
Maybe its that attention is too easy - ya show ya boobs, the boys go WOO. You ride on your looks - or what you Photoshop as your "looks" - and you don't consider that there's more to do with yourself than RateAPic (7th grade. Guilty.).
But unless someone kicks the whore in the head, or pushes them to give a crap about their intellect or personality, what else will they know what to do but be a whore? I mean, these are our future legislators and registered voters - isn't anyone else alarmed?!

It could be that I am tired, or that I have my head so far into my pretentious ranting that I can'ts rants no mores. I wanna see where this GOES.

What has caused this sudden switch in lesbian sentiment from "YUCK" to "YUSS"?
What's the difference between being experimental & being trend sheep?
& Baggy pants, phone bling, pop singers leading bisexuality -
What the hell kind of ridiculous trend could be NEXT?!

Verbalize it, like the guy talking to himself behind me in the library right now: bernalittlebit@gmail.com!

The Art of Small Talk

THE GREETING. DAMNIT.
"Oh. Migad. OMIGAD."
"Dude!"
"fuckfuck don't look, walk away before she... shit... OH, heyy!"

WHEREIN YOU EXPRESS REGRET FOR YOUR NEGLECT.
"It's been like, foreverrrr! Omigadyoulooksogood. Where have you BEEEEEEN?!"
"Duuuuuude. The last time I saw you was, what... (mutual agreement on obscure past event) Y-yeah! Wow... so long ago... Really long..."
"...Heeeeyyyyy. Hi."

YOUR EXCUSE.
"Well, you know! I'm so like, bizzy!"
"Life, man! I've just been really busy, man. Things have been hectic. (shrug & spread out arms, like your life is so epic that it's beyond explaining to you)"
"Busy."

WHERE YOU PRETEND TO CARE/UPDATE ENOUGH TO FEEL "UPDATED"/HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHAT "THINGS" HAVE BEEN "HECTIC"
"Oh. Well, y'know, there's like.. schooool, and there's like... wooorrrrk... Stuuuuuuff... (pause). Okaysowhatabout youuuu!? (fake hit on arm)"
"I'm just like, doin' my thing, y'know? Tryna survive. Gettin' that money! Hhyknow, haha... Gettin... money... (chuckle off shame of bad joke and, y'know, lying. Scratch neck.)"
"Oh, around. Um... you know (wave hand in an vague circle), around."

WHERE YOU LOOK FOR A WAY OUT.
"Okayweeeell, I don't want to keeeep you - I'll let you get back to your thing! Your thang! Doin' yo thang! (more fake hits)"
"But hey, bro, 'sgood seein' you (overly aggressive hand-shake-back-pat wherein you check each other's masculinity real fast) - don't be a stranger... be good... drive... safe... and um.. "
"(fake ringtone out of side of mouth) Oh damn, that's me, I've gotta take this..."

WHERE YOU EXCHANGE INFO YOU'RE NEVER GONNA USE.
"So like, Facebookme Myspaceme AIMme Twitterme Plurkme textmeeee. ...Or like, call me."
"Yeah, just hit me up on my celly-cell, you got my new number? Yeah, just, y'know... hit me up whenever... When you're like, in the area, hit me up... Celly-cell..."
"(Into phone that is off) What? She put it in her where? Dixie cup?! (back to human) Man, I've gotta run, but it was nice seeing you..."



AND THEN YOU SAY IT.
"We need to hang out!"
"We've gotta hang out."
"We ...erh, hang out."

(walk away, for God's sake)


Don't act like you haven't.

Hey.

I miss you.

Stay tuned for further nonsense!
So, do you guys like it better when I rant about social issues, or link to stupid shit? Ya'll made a lot of noise when I lost my breath there about the female image and Miley Cyrus.

I 'preciate dat.

Or maybe a combination of both?
Like when I get original AND green tea at Pinkberry?

What shameless plug?

FIRST THINGS FIRST:

The comments from the blog below (plural noun) - insightful; hilarious; thought-provoking; awesome; I-want-more.
See also: The reason I blog.

I am bursting and jiggling my legs to respond to your guys' comments - DON'T THINK I WON'T. Who you think I is.
Please, please, please keep them coming!


SECOND THINGS... .... ....NEXT:

Today I wrote in my DigiDiaries blog (The one I write for Sun) again.
So I think you should check out DigiDiaries.
And after that, definitely follow up with DigiDiaries.
...
DigiDiaries.


SANKS! ;]

Nokia Lolita

There are no words.

But you know I'mma talk anyway.

Dude...
So, vanity. Vanity's an accessory these days. Vanity is the new eyeliner. Gone are the days when people would at least Photoshop out their MySpace Arm, for dignity's sake.
But now, there is no dignity. There is only... kissyface+peacesign L0Lz. You know what I'm talking about.

Slowly, my little cousins started growing... Started getting MySpaces... Started teaching themselves glitter-text html tricks... Started looking at their faces in the mirror a little longer...
And then
BAM
BAM
BAM,
Self-inflicted child pornography is like saggin' pants - inexplicably TRENDY.

----------------------- Allow me to digress for a second. ------------------------

As the Auntie Det-Det of three curious, absorbs-everything-like-sponges nieces, I'd love to introduce Miley Cyrus to my backhand.

Yeah, I said it.

I'm pissed that they idolize someone who preaches tween self-respect and innocently See(ing) You Again (crackin' song, I'll admit), but whores her skin out like she doesn't have 7-year-olds copying her every move. Every time my niece raises the camera to her own face and does her sassy eyes, I hope one of Hannah Banana Fontana's weave tracks fall out.
Girl, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS.

---------------------------------Thank you. ------------------------------------

But I digress.
I'm much more perplexed with, and would rather explore, Why does this dumb shit occur?

• Is it the conditions of our media hungry world that demand self-love, however stilted and slut-like?
• Is it the body-of-a-goddess images we're force fed that gives girls the need to prove themselves? (Example: How "Suck it iiiin." is the new "Cheese!")
• Or is it just the uber-exploited dumb shit like this that just plain ol' makes it okay?

Hmm.

I see it like this:

Girls ain't gettin' no love.

You've got media stereotypes insulting your intelligence;
You've got every advertisement subtly hating on your body;
You've got The Man telling you girls can't do this-this-that;
You've got your dysfunctional family, your parents split, your daddy was never there, your boyfriend cheats on you, you weren't hugged enough as a child,

AIN'T NO LOVE.

Shit's harder out there for girls these days.
And so we seek out other ways of self-assurance, easier ways to find people to tell us we're pretty, we're hawt, we'z fine, we're worth it.
We use our body, our skin, our boobs, our legs, sure-fire ways that we know get people's attention. Sleazy boys' and pedophiles' attention, sure, but essentially, we need attention. If not growing up, if not from ourselves, then isn't the internet where you get everything else?

Because sex sells. Sex sells confidence like a drug.

& Because it's easier than fighting those inner demons, y'know?
It's easier to ride on that 5-second confidence high when some hormonal male comments that your photo is "HaWt, dEeYum GrUh" than it is to look at themselves and go,

Why the hell do I need that to feel good?

I'm sure there are a jillion campaigns out there trying to teach girls to love themselves for who they are, and respect themselves at the same time. But honestly, we're fighting against a lot - a daily downpour of discouragement, idealism, hardened childhoods full of mental and physical abuse.


What I'm trying to say is:

Kids these days are f*$%ed up, beyond their control.

And the ways in which we deal can become just as f*$#ed up.

Its a slllooooow, uphill battle.
But it's a battle worth fighting, I think.


And GAH. I honestly just want to SHAKE girls. Guys, too.
I just want to grab them by the shoulders and say, THIS IS YOUR LIFE - tall, short, chunky, skinny, single dad, hooker mom, trust issues, big feet, THIS IS YOU.
If you don't take what you've got, accept the good that you already have, and start respecting yourself the way you really want others to treat you, that emptiness will ALWAYS be there. Who are you waiting to save you? It's a selfish world out there - if all you do is shit on yourself, who do you expect to give you a hand?

I might sound like a goddamn hippie, but LOVE YOURSELF.
FIGHT TO LIKE WHO YOU ARE.
BE SOMEONE YOU'D WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY, SHIT, SHE'S FLY AS F*$%. AND MEAN IT.
You're with yourself all the time. Wouldn't you at least like your stay in this body and this mind to be pleasant?


... So I'm going to go over here and breathe.
Meanwhile, what do you think the answer is?
Better role models? Safer families? Or just some ice cream & a hug?

You know where I be: bernalittlebit@gmail.com :]
- Berna

I'm so proud of mankind right now

Look, I found your home.

Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

Never, ever fails to get me someone-put-me-on-mute kind of laughing.


"As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes, it seemed that way."

"Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!"

"To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"

"It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating."


*on mute

Circle circle, dot dot

Dating.

Why does that word make me want to vomit a little into a letterman's jacket?

I mean, don't get me wrong - hormonal interactions are fun. Quite fun, actually. Kind of the gooey middle of the Twinkie that is teenagedom.
You're makin' eyes, you're flirting, you do the ol' yawn-and-grope, ow ow you're on my hair...

But what constitutes this... dating?

• Is it just liking each other out loud?
• Does the label take effect before or after the 2nd date?
• Online dating: convenient or terribly, apocalyptically anti-social?
• How much physical wuh-huh is allowed within just-dating?
  
• Isn't dating just a synchronized dance of social chasing and elimination until someone picks a partner and/or wants out? Like a big-ass game of Simon Says?
• Why haven't we come up with a better word than dating?! (Don't even get me started on 'courtship'; Compound words + hormones = NO.)
  

Hmm.
Dating.
Talk to me.
(Let's keep it PG, ya'll)

3 Things You Should Probably Hang Your Head In Shame for Not Having in Your Kitchen

1. Mystake's Tetris Shaped Ice Cube Trays
For those who pew pew tzyiu tzyiu w00t w00t.

2.The Spoon Sisters' Dress for Dinner Napkins,
you lazy, mannerless whore.

3. Cuisipro's ice cream scooper that finally ACKNOWLEDGES the goddamn EXISTENCE,
and therefore the shape,
of ice cream cones.
I mean, right?!

BLIIIGH I AM A KRRRAKEN FROM THE SEA!

Early morning Twitter that made me chuckle.

And by chuckle, I mean PANIC AND EMPTY OUT MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT

Mmm. Word vomit.

Ah oh. Berna hat found sumthin' new fo' you to play with.

It's like a verbal collage of yourself.
It's like shaking your brain and spilling out all of its contents.
It's like a word vomit of your personality.

It's called a Wordle.
And it's better explained through example.

This is a Wordle of this blog.
I love that stray just-don't-be-stupid-about-it. Profoundly placed, no?


This is a Wordle of my personal blog (LOCATION: CLASSIFIED!)
Excuse the, uh, more liberal use of colloquialisms.
Aka, mah bad for the swearing.



This is a Wordle of the song that's in my head.
(TEN BUCKS IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT IT IS!)

Basically, Wordle takes whatever you want - a paragraph, a blog, a website, song lyrics - and mashes them up into a random doggypile of awesome. You customize the colors and orientation.
You customize the awesome.

It's called a "word cloud". Worrrrd clooouuuud.
The words used most commonly are the biggest, and the rest are scattered happily in between.

I resent a little bit that both top ones have the words "like" the biggest, making me sound like, a total, like, fuggin' ditz, like.


Mmmhmm, don't act like you ain't curious about'cho'z now.
Now that I've showed you mine, show me yours ;] <bernalittlebit@gmail.com>

Ohhai, howsyafatha.

Thanks to the magic of Google Analytics, I'd like to say sup to the following countries:

Sup, Canada, eh?
'Ello, United Kingdom!
G'Day, Australia!
你好, Singapore!
Salam Alekoum, Morocco!

Oh, & sup, US of A!
Hope I put some color in yo' day, international readers ;]

Did I miss yo' mothaland? HOLLAH.

---------------------------------------- EDIT: 7/14/08 ----------------------------------------

Sam Carty says, educate yo'self!

Namaste, India!
Hola, Dominican Republic!
Wah Gwan, Jamaica!

Is everything going to be okay?

http://www.iseverythinggoingtobeokay.com

BETTER than safe sex AND abstinence!

So, they've come up with this whole don't-have-sex-if-you-don't-want-diseases-and/or-babies thing, right? Abstinence?
And then the whole, ok-fine-touch-each-other, just-don't-be-stupid-about-it thing, right?

But oh, the Web 2.0 space - how you innovate your way into our hearts, giving us that which we didn't even know was possible, but have totally always wanted.

You don't even have to worry about STD's, peer pressure, media influence, pregnancy, maternal pants, awkward morning-after handshakes...

Cause now you can skip the sex and see exactly what cho' babies gon' look like.
(...Cause that's why teens really have sex, right? We're all just narcissists and wanna see just how cute our mini-me's would be! ...Right? ...Guys?)

Introducing... MakeMeBabies.

I know, right?! Totally don't even have to worry about the awkward pre-intercourse stages because you can already see the endproduct. Win. Winner.

Dude - Do I even have to explain?
Do I have to explain a site that told me, in orange font, "Now you can make your babies!" after I signed up?

And while I was waiting for the site to, I don't know, fornicate with itself, it told me "Please wait - it shouldn't take more than nine months ;)" ?

?!?!

No. What I have to do is show you the results.
Let's play.

Me and The Mayer.
...WHAT?! DON'T ACT LIKE YOU WOULDN'T.

Me and My MiniMe, or, "What it would look like to have babies with yourself"
Sup, Bernie! CHUPRIISE.
These children are suspiciously light-skinned, considering how down we are with the brown.

Me and You-Already-Know
Yeah, foreal. I don't know if they added the duck to mock me back, but I'd say that's a pretty cute kid for me & processed meat.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.
ALRIGHT. I was gonna say go do it yourself, but you have to log-in and be annoying. Eff that.
I signed up for a Gmail account for all of us, man - we're gonna use this to check out weird stuff that asks for too much info from now on, k?

e-mail: bernalittlebit@gmail.com
password: behbeh
(this is just for the baby-makin'; we'll change the password with the next thang)

Go forth, readers. Play Jon&Kate+8 as much as you want without even contacting another human!
& Show me your results (comment, or e-mail @ bernalittlebit@gmail.com) - I'mma show 'em.

Girl, I'mma hafta call you back

PUT IT DOWN, TEEN DRIVERS.

Today's the day: Chu can no longer have your Razr/Sidekick/411-Giving-You-Directions in your ear while driving, or else The Man can pull ya over.

And the consequences?
$20 for the first offense
$50 for every time after that you didn't learn the frickin' first time

So now, more of us are gonna look like schizo's, yapping away without our left elbow blocking our blind spot (unless you're like me, who talks to herself often anyway.
It's alright, Berna, nobody's judging you.
Yeah, I know, I just get insecure sometimes.
Well, stop it. You've got some burning to do.)

I wonder if this'll take the "crappy" away from being synonymous with "teenage drivers".

Didja go out and buy your dorky headset yet?

Today's Topic is Sex.

No, no.
Don't feel bad that you IMMEDIATELY continued reading. (Ya nasty)

But seriously -- it seems like there are a million different ideas and people advertise a million different morals when it comes to teens and sex. Yeah. I said it. It's not even a shocker anymore.
The one constant about sex these days: IT'S EVERYWHERE.
And with these two examples coming up, I iz nat surprised that our generation is struggling to make sense of it, either by brushing it off or scrambling for chastity belts.


Exhibit 1: Abstinence is the New Neck-Scarf-Thing
So there's this magazine. It's called Just for Girls (& yep, there's a J4Guys, too).
It's available online, totally free, and it's main focus?

Keepin' ya pants on.

You'll learn How to Dress Modestly, the Top 10 Ways to Say "NO" (including the popular "No."), and if you're really into psychological word play, you can play the J4G Crossword Puzzle!

10-letter phrase for "Couples that 'lives together before marriage'"?
HMM.
"Burn in hell" fits right in there, look at that.
That's weird.


Exhibit 2: JC Penney is cool with teen sex. In/out of their clothes.
Please, please check out this highly intellectual NATIONAL TELEVISION commercial from the reasonably-priced folks over at JC Penney.

Dang! I didn't get the memo, but apparently, "Today's the day to get away with it."
SWEET.
See? Now everyone can calm the eff down about teen sex being a "controversy".
Because JC Penney says, as long as you're buying and taking off their 8-pack cotton undies, teen sex is totally fine. Fun! Adventurous! A skill you must practice, even!
& So is lying to your parents. That's pretty cool, too.


These are just too good.
THE QUESTION: Have we gone too far in encouraging, discouraging, or even addressing teen sex in the media?
Is it or is it not none of dey bidness?
What the hell is JC Penney doing giving me sex advice?!

Yo, Leanna & Rin!

Dude, I can't figure out for the life of me how to respond to comments on here,
and I'll be DAMNED if I can't talk to ya'll because of it.

SO! (Check out the original comments first)

-->Leanna hat sed:

I hate MySpace profiles with bad grammar and pPLz wh0o b3e tAlkiiNg lYik3e diiZs...

It took me about 3 minutes alone to type that above sentence. Amen to Generation (insert really mean stereotype). Psh, it's just the way of life. I wonder what our kids' generation will be called...

Alls I gotta say is that these chick celebrities better keep their panties on because they're setting a bad example for our young divas.

--> Yo, Leanna,
DUDE. DUDE. IT HURTS HOW MUCH I AGREE WITH YOU. I don't know where they find the time to type like that, but they NEEDZ to adopt another hobby. Like playing in traffic.
I know, right - you see our generation do crazy shit, and I'm sure our parents are like, Dear God, why. All WE can do is understand that we'll NEVER understand, haha. I'm thinking we could hopefully come up with something more original than Generation Z. Generation YouTube? Generation Intrawebz. Generation Less-Shameful!? (Woo, way to be original)
& I feel you on the celebrity thing - hi, Jamie Lynn Spears and the new campaign that having kids is awesome and fun fuzzy unicorns?!
NOT OKAY.

---------------------------------------------

-->Rin hat sed:

Millenial? Interesting. Who exactly is "The Man"?

Anyways. Yeah, I think we needa' check ourselves out before we mess ourselves up. I'm lucky to have learned how to not be selfish by just looking at myself and remembering all of the stupid things I've done.

--> Hey, Rin,
That's something we needs to do, all of us, right? Check ourselves. Hold back on the selfish doings, perhaps? Take one of those big steps back and go, "WTF, self." Unfortunately, part of being a kid is having the tendency to be terribly forgetful :/! Isn't it kinda painful how we watch it happening to ourselves, but we... can't... stooop... iiit?

Say it to mah face

Hey.
Did you know that, generally, if you were born between 1985 and 2002, you're a Millenial?
Yeah. The Man's giving us names now, ugly ones, without our permission.

It doesn't even end there - they're out there calling you Generation Me, Generation Y (Don't ask me y. !! .... -_-), all kinds of crazy stuff.
Not only are they calling you names - they're calling you out.

Oh yes they did, girl.

That is what they hat sed.

Let me break it down according to a few articles I picked up.
According to the generation before us [Generation X; The Man knows his alphabet]:
1). You're full of yourself,
2). You're greedy,
3). And you got yo' head in yo' butt.


Apparently, the problem is that us Millenials were all brought up to believe we're unique, delicate snowflakes, capable of any and every dream we set our cholesterol-caked hearts upon... And these affirmations are exactly what'll lead to our demise.

What's sadder?
I find it all kinda... true. Frighteningly accurate.
The number one person on all of our minds (once you stop lying in your MySpace AboutMe's & admit it) is ME. Not me-me, YOU-me. We love ourselves. The FB updates, the MySpace profiles with horrible grammar, the bloody fight towards our dream college... Our generation is obsessed with being the best, having the best, and telling as many people that care how goddamn awesome we are (which comes out to a number exponentially smaller than one may think).

It's bred a new pack of I'd-like-to-go-getters; of LC-wannabes who, tcha, knows The Hills is fake but still think they can flee home & single-handedly take over LA, of I-can-too's, of ambitious dreamers who just like to talk and talk and talk the talk.

They're calling us out, dude.

You, there. You're probably one of these selfish bitches.
THE QUESTION: Do we need to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves?

Oh, hai.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!
Finally, man.

My F15 blog's been completely abandoned and what with work and Tahiti Fete and all that...

I missed you guys.
"Let's hug it out, bitch."
- The Office

Yeah, word, I can swear here. Nah, but I'm not gonna be spewing profanities a whole lot - mostly, I just wanna be somewhere where I can keep talking to people outside of that F15 gig, ya dig. I wanna keep people laughing and thinking and agreeing/me telling you you're wrong,
1). I just wanna keep the conversation going.
About anything.
Everything!

ALSO - So, I pretty much blog about my blog research as a blog. I mean, job. (Blog's one of those freaky repeat-until-you're-just-making-noise-words, huh?) I blog about blogging, I'm on my Google Reader like white on rice... And I swurrdogad, I run into the WEIRDEST SHIT in the blogosphere, man. Crazy products, out-there ideas, things that have both pissed me off and made me piss my pants,
2). I WANNA SHARE THEM.

So, please. Subscribe below, if you so desire, check out the weird shit I find now and then and let's just talk. I wanna see comments up the BUTT.

Let's just freakin' talk.