Que-que?!

Created by Train Horn

OHHHHH.
So my ears don't actually belong to a 60-year-old man, as I often assume due to my perpetual deafness.

Thought I had somatoparaphrenia, NVM.

You are missing OUT

Or "d-bag", for the LA Frat Bro On-The-Go

This link does not apply to you if you happen to think I am a douche.

Poor College Student: 1; Recession: ...something-billion

Paying for college sucks.

It's not that I'm feeling dangerously bitter right now, after scouring a 1-mile radius around USC with four girlfriends for an affordable apartment between the luscious Tuscany Penthouse and a cardboard box.

But I mean...
If all it takes is 20 hours of Ranch-hand work, or converting to Pre-Law and moving to Irvine,
then, shit.

I'm down it if it means going to one of these 8 Tuition-Free Colleges.

I love you, SC, but you're just are not recession-friendly.
I'm just sayin'.

Like masturbation, but for your feelings

I'm aware I've been silent for, oh, longer than you probably care.
But if anyone's listening out there, ANYONE - I'd love for them to consider this:

NOBODY forces you hate yourself.

NOBODY gives you low self-esteem.

NOBODY makes you to feel intimidated, ugly, self-conscious, not good enough.

I've heard way too many stories about people being sick of how a situation (particularly, how a boy) makes them feel bad about themselves.
To be out of control of how you see yourself is to be out of control of yourself.
To be victim to those feelings is just self-pity.
And to be using self-pity is to be three-fucking-years-old.

FACE IT: We're big girls now, in a world that allows us to be big girls.
You can't play the helpless-feeling-female card anymore.
And girl or not, only you are responsible for how you feel.
Wherever you are in your self-respect, you got there your damn self,
and it's nobody else's job to fix it.

SO STOP CRYING.


I'd just like to know why we treat the person we spend the most time with
(ourselves)
so shittily, so much.
And then we're so kind to strangers on the street!
They don't have to put up with your crap.
They don't do your Accounting final.
Their immune system doesn't keep you away from the USC plague.

I AM
JUST
SAYING.

Obvi just jelly cuz I speak in abbrevz

I'm sitting on an obscenely comfortable red couch in the Hogwartzeh Doheny Library (here at the scenic University of Southern California, TELL 'EM WHAT THEY'VE WON, BOB), watching the sun go down through the stained glass windows.
May I just say?

Sometimes, when you've figured out a way to temporarily ignore your "priorities"
and "responsibilities"
and "children",
life is gorgeous without you having to do anything to it at all.

Y'know. Just looky no touchy.
It's like Cinnabuns.
You can just smell it and be fulfilled.
(...And then tear that shit up with yo' mouf)
(...This concludes my greatest figurative food-to-life parallel to date)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANYWAY.
What I really wanted to do is pop my head in a give you a lil' quiz.
Cause it's midterm season and I'm feelin' sadistic.

Complete the sentence with the appropriate phrase:

Life is like a bag of phallic lighthouse gummies.
You never know what you're gonna...

A. find in the parking lot of your local WalMart
B. need to stay warm while you get beamed up, Scotty
C. give as a gift at Darth Vader & PacMan's baby shower
D. USE YOUR NEWFOUND POWER OF 400 BABIES! ....FOR.

You have twelve minutes.
Starting eleven minutes ago.

Hint: No.

Were you the one who wanted $1,000 and a free phone?

No?
Oh, well. As long as you're here.
Wanna do me a favor & have it, anyway?

You remember that Road Trip that Seventeen sent me on?
WELL. Now Seventeen wants you to have your own road-trippeh good times.

Enter Seventeen's Ultimate Road Trip Sweepstakes!

So, y'know. Seventeen's just giving away:

• $1,000
• a FREE Verizon Phone
  
• and a $100 Verizon Gift Card (Hello, unnecessarily-cute headset for driving)

And I was thinking, maybe you want in on that.
How do ya do it?

• Get clicky here and scroll down to "ENTER THE ULTIMATE SWEEPSTAKES!"
• Fill in your info and don't forget the Code Word: ULTIMATE
• Tell 5 friends! (But maybe no more than that - you do want to win, right?)
  

Ehh - you can watch those videos, too, if you really want.
I'll just be over here, cowering in embarrassment :]


I really need you guys to spread the word, y'all: Enter the Sweepstakes, and don't forget your epic Code Word:

ULTIMATE.

Heheh. That's a lot like when the hyenas say "Mufasa" in the Lion King.
ULTIMATE.
D'ya feel that?
ULTIMATE.

Heheh.
JUMP ON IT!